I belong to a 12 Step Program, Overeaters Anonymous. I’ve been asked to speak at one of our local big meetings this Friday night. This will not be my first time speaking in front of a big group of my fellows, but this is one of my two favorite meetings (I’ve spoken at the other twice) and this one requires a hefty one year of abstinence before a speaker can qualify to lead there.
Over the last few days, I was asked a couple of weeks ago, I have been delving into the Program extra hard. My writing has gotten more frequent, I’ve been calling my Sponsor more regularly, and listening more fully to my Sponsees. Part of this increased activity is due to me being mildly nervous about this share, but the larger portion is due to the fact that I care. This meeting is very important to me, and the reaching of my Fellows and new comers who might need help is a real goal in my life. Because others are on the line I am working harder.
Why? Why is it that when I am working for myself I am willing to slack, but when working for others I pull out all the stops. What is it in me that makes others more important than me? Why are we not equal?
The Buddha said -
“You cannot save the nation unless your household is first in order.”
The safety video on every flight says -
“Make sure to secure your own oxygen mask before assisting others.”
I need to take this advice to heart. The only way I am going to be useful to others is if I have my own crap settled first.
In 12 Step Programs we use the concept of a Higher Power to help with dealing with our addictions. This Higher Power can be anything. And, the relationship to this Higher Power is self-determined. The idea is to find a Higher Power that is useful to the addict, and a relationship that is as effective as possible. Both of these things are not set in stone. They need to be revised and revisited constantly to remain alive.
My Higher Power is my future self. The me that is best as I can possibly be, has processed through negative karma, and is content. A useful tool I have found is to keep the thought of doing the work not for me, but for that Higher Power, which is after all me. This causes a feedback loop that allows me to really be doing this work for me, the person who is as important as anyone else.
The work needs to be done. And, we shouldn’t have to wait until we are asked to help others to do it.