ProjectMoment

I have been working with a metaphor lately that has been helpful.  In my way of thinking, there is a passage, one single avenue where the things existing in my internal world (hopes, desires, compulsions, dreams, needs) immerge into the external world as actualized reality.  That gate is action.  Only when I take an action, either intentionally or on impulse, do the things inside get out.

It has been useful to sit and watch the comings, and goings, at the gate.  Not to perform as some kind of guard, or organizer, but just as witness (and perhaps census taker).  When I can sit my attention there, and watch who goes through the gate I learn interesting things.

Try it, if you’d like.  It’s been doing good things for me.

I have long struggled with getting my life more organized, and making sure I don’t let things fall through the cracks. For me it is an uphill battle. My mid-term memory has never been that reliable. And, I suffer from a basic lack of education in this area. My best attempts have involved keeping notes in a pocket sized notebook.

I have toyed with the idea of getting a PDA, like a Palm or some such, but have had serious doubts as to whether I would actually use it. I have also dismissed the idea of a planner like the Day Runner because of it’s size and clumsiness.

In surfing some of my feeds today I came across the Computer Zen site entry on Personal Systems of Organization, which lead me to the Hipster PDA (and it’s wiki), and to the D*I*Y planner, and to the Moleskine Hack wiki, and to the GTDTiddlyWiki, and to the amazing PigPogPDA. Obviously I have some reading to do for today. But my initial reaction is - EUREKA!!!!

I do not know yet if this all will lead to me finally getting more organized about getting things done, but I do know that it will improve my currently sub-par system.

I belong to a 12 Step Program, Overeaters Anonymous. I’ve been asked to speak at one of our local big meetings this Friday night. This will not be my first time speaking in front of a big group of my fellows, but this is one of my two favorite meetings (I’ve spoken at the other twice) and this one requires a hefty one year of abstinence before a speaker can qualify to lead there.

Over the last few days, I was asked a couple of weeks ago, I have been delving into the Program extra hard. My writing has gotten more frequent, I’ve been calling my Sponsor more regularly, and listening more fully to my Sponsees. Part of this increased activity is due to me being mildly nervous about this share, but the larger portion is due to the fact that I care. This meeting is very important to me, and the reaching of my Fellows and new comers who might need help is a real goal in my life. Because others are on the line I am working harder.

Why? Why is it that when I am working for myself I am willing to slack, but when working for others I pull out all the stops. What is it in me that makes others more important than me? Why are we not equal?

The Buddha said -

“You cannot save the nation unless your household is first in order.”

The safety video on every flight says -

“Make sure to secure your own oxygen mask before assisting others.”

I need to take this advice to heart. The only way I am going to be useful to others is if I have my own crap settled first.

In 12 Step Programs we use the concept of a Higher Power to help with dealing with our addictions. This Higher Power can be anything. And, the relationship to this Higher Power is self-determined. The idea is to find a Higher Power that is useful to the addict, and a relationship that is as effective as possible. Both of these things are not set in stone. They need to be revised and revisited constantly to remain alive.

My Higher Power is my future self. The me that is best as I can possibly be, has processed through negative karma, and is content. A useful tool I have found is to keep the thought of doing the work not for me, but for that Higher Power, which is after all me. This causes a feedback loop that allows me to really be doing this work for me, the person who is as important as anyone else.

The work needs to be done. And, we shouldn’t have to wait until we are asked to help others to do it.

Steve Pelina wrote an incredibly useful article on living with courage.  I won’t repeat his words here, you should go read the article when you get the chance.  My favorite distinction was the idea that living with courage does not mean living without fear, but rather living willing to face your fears and pass through them.

His idea of working your courage ‘muscle’ by facing small fears and insecurities before jumping right at your crippling concerns is also a nugget of gold.

The line of my life lately seems to be pointing me along the direction of facing my fears, and is putting the tools to do so in my lap.  I’ve been using this idea of exorcising the courage muscle in conjunction with the idea of heading straight into the areas in your life where you feel the most Resistance, and been getting encouragin results.

All this makes me wonder what the world could be like if we all lived courageously, faced our fears, and lived out our dreams.  That would be a beautiful thing.