PLAYING TO WIN – Looking to your future self to make life a win-win situation

In the 12-Step programs we make a practice of consulting with, and turning our lives over too, a ‘Higher Power’ in order to help us live well and resolve our defects of character. I won’t go into the value of the practice here, except to say that for me it works wonders.

Each participant in a 12-Step program is tasked to define their own Higher Power. The one I work with is my future self. The me at the end of my path who has been through the trials and tribulations, dealt with our defects, and leads the most effective and realized life we possibly can. This particular Higher Power conception appeals especially to me because it is so inherently compassionate and forgiving about my screw ups. My mistakes are his.

I also happen to be a long time game enthusiast. The reason why that’s important will become apparent shortly.

The other day I came across a blog entry linked from LifeHack.org. The piece, What to do with your life, was written by Mark Wieczorek, and is on his blog site – MarkTAW.com. In the article Mark makes reference to Game Theory, a branch of mathematics founded by John von Neumann. I won’t repeat his entire excellent article here, but this is the section that catches the crux, for me -

“What if life isn’t about winners and losers, what if there was some third path that could satisfy everyone? Salesmen, negotiators, and specialists in conflict resolution call this the “win-win situation.” A position where neither side compromises, and both sides get what they want.

The revelation came to me in the form of a question. “What if there was something I could do now that would make me happy today and make he happy 10 years from now?” Instead of fighting with myself, can I ally with myself and think of something that will make both of us happy?”

So, there you have it. Life is a game, a contest between two players looking for the best outcome. A win-win situation would serve all the most, and would give the highest possible reward. The players are Me-Know and me-future. Or, in my personal reality conception me and my future self.

The idea of what is best for both me and my future self is a powerful one. A story from a meeting I attended almost a year ago is useful here – A man who had experienced a weight loss of in excess of 250 pounds was passing the ubiquitous hostess stand and a twinkie caught his eye. For a brief moment he considered getting it. After all, he had over five years of recovered living by that point, what harm could one little twinkie do to that accomplishment. He decided to think of it as a gamble. If he lost the gamble he would slide back into the black places of obsessive eating, gain back all his weight (and likely more) and lose the life he had fought hard to have. If he won he got… a twinkie. The payoff did not seem worth the risk to him. Nor me either.

From the perspective of playing the life-game from above we can look at the same choice as, what good would the twinkie do the now-me, and what good would it do the future-me. The answer is the now-me would win a brief moment of taste bud bliss and emotional food black-out. In Game Theory terms we can give that a value of 1. The future-me would lose. He would win a memory of a brief moment of enjoyment (value 1), but would lose 16 months of abstinence (value like -300 or something), and would lose out on feelings of not-guilt (value -1000 easy) for a net gain of -1299. Plainly the outcome is pure suck.

Using the mental shift of seeing life as a game also has the added benefit of decreasing the stress associated with the stakes being so critical. Yes, living life well is of utmost importance, but seeing it as a life and death struggle, or a reflection of self-worth adds stress which needlessly muddles thinking on and weighing of options. No, life isn’t just a game, but making a mental game of it helps to keep it fun.